He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
