Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think weed is turning my hair brown
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
