You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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