We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
