update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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