I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
