just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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