I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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