when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just come out here and I will go home with you...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
