I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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