you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
