Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
