apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
