Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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