I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
