sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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