her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what day is it and did you see me today?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
