he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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