You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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