He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
