Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
