He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
