Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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