trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
