Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
