Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
