I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
