Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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