I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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