he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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