Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
