you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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