gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
