Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
