The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
