i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
