Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
