you guys were way drunker than both of me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
