yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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