Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
True strength comes from lack of pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm really busy with my period
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