There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
