Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
