I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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