Will you blow on my dice?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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