You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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