I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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