You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
