Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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