Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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