I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My dad just said "fuck circus"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
